I am closing this to commenting. I just wanna write. ty.

When someone needs a little push, when someone needs a little light. When they’re a little lost, and their little heart encased in frost. A little supportive hand is what we can give. Give what you can, bring them back to life…you have nothing to lose…

 She will hold your face in her hands
~ And say I love you
She will look inside your broken heart
~ And say I love you

She will see you for who you are
~ And say you’re beautiful
She will heal all your wounds
~ And say you’re plentiful

She loves you I know this much
~ It’s in her touch
And you can see it in her tears
~ All these fears

Her forever will be forever

I’ve seen the way she looks at your photographs
~ And tells me how much she loves you
I’ve seen the way she smiles at your laughs
~ They surely say how much she loves you

She will look deep into your eyes
~ And tell you exactly what she sees
She will dance with your broken soul
~ And tell you exactly how it feels

She loves you deeply I know
~ You can feel it in her voice
She will be your today and tomorrow 
~ She washes away a lonely sorrow

Her forever will be forever

Be with the one who loves you
Hold the one who’ll hold you dearly 

She loves you more then anything
~ You can tell by her loyality   
She loves you deeper then anything
~ You can tell by her history

So shed away all this darkness
I promise she won’t make you feel any less

Her forever’s forever
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I went out of town this past weekend. I went to see Jonathan. I really needed it. I hope he was glad to see me as well. I am not so sure though. At times the weekend became stressful for him. I am pretty stressful on him. It isn’t fair.

I have been doing alot of thinking today and have come to the conclusion that I don’t have that many good qualities. Really. I mean what do I haveto offer him. Why would he want me. I am a horrible person. I am aggressive and controlling. I appear to have zero to little patience. I have nothing good to say.  I have the mouth of a sailor. I demand respect from a person I have not given any to. I am bizarre. The list goes on. And on. I am a freak.  

Sure, I let him be himself, I give him passion…I am sure he can fall in love with someone else who has better qualities an gives him more passion than I could ever provoke.

I smoke. I may try inside to give up but I never make it. I am a failure.

I run my life all haphazardly while he is organized and legal. I am legal now…but what if… I am unpredictable. He should run. He wishes…

I have way more bad things about me than good. I didn’t see that all of this is what broke us. Not him. I did. I take all the blame now. me.  

I sit here an try to think of some good things. All I can come up with is I love him. All I can give him is my heart an soul. My forever. Love isnt enough for some. But with a list like mine, I wouldn’t want me either.

Tonight I am going to sleep early. I am not going to go on msn to chat with him. I will miss it but he is not my husband and should be given the space he clearly wants. He needs space from me.  He needs his life and  what is important to him. Just because I think certain small things in life are the most important; all that matters in life, those moments only two ppl in love have. Dont mean he has to. They do not have to be what is most important to him to. 

I think he can do better. I try everyday to be the best person i can. It isn’t enough. Even if he stays single. It will be better than being with someone with such bad qualities. I love him to much to have that for him. It just took a waking up an looking at of my true self to understand this.  

leslie, i am ok. Just not that great of a package. I just wish I had of realized sooner…